This week’s unintended hilarity comes from the TV detective reboot wherein Magnum foils the plot.
Season 4, Episode 14 sees our new Thomas Magnum (Jay Hernandez) bait partner Julia Higgins (Perdita Weeks) into a duel with foils that is part Three Musketeers and part Dogtanian.
Opening with Higgins (in black) training with a coach (in white), Magnum interrupts and provokes a bout of stage fighting so absurd I’m still crying.
Firstly, having trained in full kit, the pair discard fencing masks entirely. One false move and there’s four kebab’ed eyeballs. First rule of fencing: never wave your weapon at someone not wearing a mask.
Secondly, Magnum is swinging his foil around like Rob Roy’s claymore. Has anyone told him foils can’t cut?
Thirdly, what exactly is Higgins wearing? It looks like some patchwork polyester base layer. Not quite as daft as Madonna’s neoprene corset from Dye Another Day, but almost.
It’s an exciting and well choreographed scene as long as you have no knowledge of Olympic foil fencing. At all.
The lure of the sword remains strong in Hollywood. The temptation to turn it into Peter Pan? Irresistible.
Move on, people. Nothing to see here.